親愛的 老朋友

沒人關注…
沒什麼，
反正我不是什麼名人，也不是網絡紅人。
人際關係也沒很好

可是這裡也只是我唯一可以痛訴苦水的地方了吧

我 認識了 一些人。

一些人在我人生留下了很深很深的腳印 甚至在走之前還狠狠的踹我兩腳。

你好嗎，我試著去聯絡你，可是你應該是不想要我出現在你生活裡了吧……
所以你一直沒給我回复。
我一直希望你可以活得很好，還有可以找到比我更好的朋友…………
那些以前天真的 想法，你還記得嗎
說好要當彼此的伴娘，一起結婚，一起懷孕，一起生孩子，我們的孩子一定也要是好朋友；
太多了。
現在想起來都覺得心如刀割。
好懷念以前，我一個眼神你就能知道我是什麼心情
你會很疼惜的摸摸我的頭  會在我需要時給個抱抱
在我失戀時抱著我跟我一起哭 然後狠狠的罵醒我
…………………………

我好想你。真的。麗妃。

2011 年。

人人都嚮往美好的日子。誰會要活在劣質的環境中？

2011年就要成為過去式，2012年將是新的王道。

我還在擔心當兵的事// 期待中還是帶著很大的驚恐。

2011 年，
我學到了，做人要嘛就非常隨和 要嘛非常孤僻。 沒人會理你的任何遭遇就算是好朋友好同學好同事。每個人都嘛自私自利。誰會捨棄利益而嚮往災難？ 我是人，你也是人；
把自己份內的事做好，就是身存的方法。千萬不要雞婆當媒婆和事佬中間人 都沒有好處尤其是對自己。

2011 年，
我學到了自己一個人，好過兩個人。謝謝我身邊的朋友家人。我真的不相信愛情。叫我談戀愛我的答案永遠是NO。就算你逼我我也不知道什麼叫愛，要怎麼愛。雖然有時是真的很想要有個人陪有個人傾述，都不過是暫時性的。

我也學到了如何克制自己。再怎麼痛，再怎麼難受，眼淚都只能留到晚上的枕頭。

去年的聖誕及倒數，還有一個人陪我過。今年，我一個人看煙花，玩面書。
我還記得，那時的煙花。那麼的響亮。（（淚奔m(_ _)m

哈哈哈，有時候，單身也未必不是好事？出去也不用煩要穿什麼好取悅男人。現在的我，畫個眼線 穿上自己喜歡的衣服，上街咯！也不用無時無刻握住電話，像個寶那樣，深怕沒回到愛人的短訊。更不用吵架。嘖，我真的看得太多了，他們都把我捧上天，說什麼有愛情的問題就可以來問我。噗 笑死我，小女子哪敢當？哈哈哈，我也不過是叫他們看清楚，作出自己認為最不後悔的決定… 那麼難嗎？ 或許真的是當局者迷旁觀者清吧 //

2012年，
我沒什麼多大的·願望，只希望能在當兵期間瘦一點，做人矜持一點，能討到哪家我想要的護理學院……………………

最近愛上了黑白風格，簡單乾淨，整合我意。
下午三點，傾盆大雨。真夠他媽的。

不要問我為什麼用華文。我只是單純的覺得，實時的改變能讓人煥然一新。另外，我活者不是為了取悅任何人。╮(╯▽╰)╭

終。xx

Fryday morning.

Everything seems so wrong.

what the crack is happening? 

just because BIO teacher pissed me off then I didn't even wanted to study BIO.

couples, just because of a little thingy then can fight whole day.

the class t-shirt thingy, they just looked like very beh song me. seriously.

okay la i know its my fault for making it to have a long time to make the shirt. I'd ever tried to pull the due date nearer. but they say cannot ba. 

the first shop i went to, need 31 bucks for each shirt. you think i want collect extra money for you ka?

i worked so hard to get the sample of the shirt, asking designer to make the sample, search for that shop...

you know ka, i dont even want a single cent of allowance. 

i'd wasted my precious once-only time.

to settle everything.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

its just so wrong.

now they make lots of mistakes and everything just not the actual thing i want. 

what the heck?

haihh, a great challenge for me. 

i'll  never  take  this  kind  of  job  anymore.

seriously.

I'm currently busy with my life.

waking up in the morning in survive.

study and play hard in school.

went home and LUNCH is a MUST.

Drama drama drama.

Tuitions tuitions tuitions.

and i didnt even study appropriately for the very important Trial Exam.

but i think i can do well la, *except bio and phy and sejarah and bm and addmaths.

its quite alot, isn't it? TROLOLOLOL.

its bio paper one exam tomorrow and i decided to bring gun and tembak all.

Mandarin is my language so im gonna study it so i wont fail it. 

if not, im a super duper #failure. 

baii !

-please la, if you want talk bad about me,

 talk behind me la.

 and don't ever get caught by me.

 if you wanna talk bad about me. ;)

somebodytolove

i needs a hug.

im so down. my mood swings all the time like no one could handle even myself.

perhaps its stress or the pressure of being the first child and the only hope for the family?

i wanted  a  very good result for my SPM too.

 i want slim body too.

but i just dont know how to release my stress so i chose eating to reduce bits of stress.

but they keep on telling that im fat.

yeah i know im fat.

im fat like no one else could do.

im fat.

my body is mine so why i wont know that?

nonsence.

i dont know how to study.

trial exam is just on tmr and i dont even want to open my book.

oh finee.

imma dead soon.

baii.

lazyy

I have being so lazyy these days. 

too many works to do and there is so little time left. 6 days to trial exam b*itch ! 

and 60 days to SPM ! 

I dont know how to cut down my laziness and turn it to hardworkness?

haihh, anyways, here is just a short update to make my blog wont look so dead. -___-*

i'm doing my chemistry form 5 chapter 4 thermochemistry note and im so lazy. okay fine.

i had set up a time table for me to study everyday after done all the homework, but now time mostly goes to sleeping and eating and facebookin and tumblrin. omgomg. im gonna dead seriously.

homeworks. WOW. i cant imagine how many days i need to complete all those homeworks and im so lazyyy.

im getting fatter day by day. i eat more and more and more. okay now i know #whynoboyloveme.

school is like usual. we pj and we support our class dudes playing futsal. we laugh out loud. 

we chit chat shit talk.

we did work that teacher as us to do, IN CLASS only. hehe.

okay done.

shalomm. baii.

I had deactivated my 2 out of 3 facebook accounts. 

I have no such time to manage all and i'm wasting my time over there. 

7 of September. 

Today its not the day for peoples around me. 

They were angry, get scolded, disappointments, arguing, fighting, crying, punching... 

I feel bad.

I can only be the listener when they tell their probs to me. 

I cant give any advise because im not a good adviser. 

I cant torture them because im not good at it.

I cant counsel them because im not a counselor.

I only lend them my eyes to see their texts, fingers to reply texts, mind to think, heart to help and shoulder to cry off.

Being my friend cant always get money from me but when it comes to lending shoulder, i will be the first choice for you.

Life is always full with challenges and examinations, try to solve it and not giving up may lead you to a better place.  :)

Shalom. Baii.

Meet the rainbow. 

Its been a while in my life to see rainbows with my EYES. lol.

heh, life treats me good as I able to open my eyes every morning and work for an awesome day. 

English lesson this morning was essay writing with the guide from teacher. LOLL

I baru realized Keith's English is so duh wth dayumm good. 

Okay la I admit my english is very poor. POOR vocab la, poor grammar la. haihh.

JUMP.

Suddenly.

I miss everything. The faces and the laughter. Perhaps it was cause by loneliness ? 

Sometimes I prefer to shuddup when theres no one talking.

SILENT.

totally silent. 

I can think of so many things within these few seconds of silence.

future.. 

too far and yet so near.

and yeahh. I do feel tired for life. Like seriously. 

If that person doesn't appreciate things you did, there's no point standing here waiting him/her than running for catching up the future instead. 

Shalom. Baii.

Monday

Really thanks a lot to God that make me able to wake up this morning. 

I was so excited when waking up in the morning and turn up in the school. I met my so-called long-lost ( one week ) friends. :P 

Thanks to God once again that he enable me to reach school safely and peacefully. 

Found one website, its a Tumblr website. 

and it is super duper ubber awesome.

Heart In God Tumblr.

You will like it. :) 

Shalom. GOD bless all.

Hates.

Get free from everything.

I almost die last on last friday night. under his hand. the man I have to love but I had already hated him to the max. 

He was so drunk and I was waiting him to fetch me from tuition. I waited him alone. My phone credit expired. I cant contact anyone. I thought everything will be fine like usual. but this time my wish is not granted and something unusual is happened. 

He drive so fast and he stop so fast. I can't describe. UGHH. He stop infront of my tuition center and was yelling that he is very sick. he can't even drive. he drive like snake. yeahh seriously. he is so smelly. the smell of cigarettes and alcohols. leading me to puke and nervous. i am soo not secure. i scared that i will die in next second when i open my eyes. im so scared that my hands is freeze and trying so hard to close my eyes everytime he stops suddenly and at the turning point. im so scared that i prayed to god and ask him to save me from this situation. im so scared that i die and my mom and cheryl and amanda got no one to take care of them. im so scared. 

when i arrived home, im so glad that i didnt die. i didnt get injured. i didnt get any police chasing us. ughh. thanks to god. 

i keep wondering why he needs to be so drunk?

He cant even remember how he fetch me home on last friday night. 

his car plate is missing.

he is wondering whether he knock people and cause them to die.

he said he wont drink again.

he said this more than TRICE. 

alright, 

its his birthday. 3rd of sept.

the whole family, too hate him. doesnt want to wish him anything. we dont even have breakfast or lunch nor dinner together. i just dont wanna meet him. i know that im not suppose to do this but i hate him. i have to forgive him but i have not enough faith. im trying hard to forgive but yet i cant. honestly, im planning for run away from here. run away from him and everything over here. start a new life with only mom, cheryl and amanda. my only family LEFT.

probably if i didnt keep believing, today will be funeral of us. die in car accident or etc. 

you had done so much things that made us hate you. you know what is it, please. if you still love us, show it. 

i got nothing left to say.

happy birthday, most hated dad.

k baii. chaww.

i hope i can love you again.