委屈。

你好。
我不好。

我以為一切可以像我所計劃一樣，每個人都可以合作。

為什麼就是這麼難。

我好後悔，
不應該是這樣的啊，
為什麼可以一起38的所謂的朋友，就是沒辦法在課業上合作？

也許是我的錯、我知道我小氣 小心眼。
一點小事我都可以很肚爛。
有時候一個眼神，一個面色，我都可以難過很久。

我很在意別人對我是怎麼看法。
我不會社交。
交到新朋友我也不是很會說話。
就算是老朋友，我也可能不多話。
不是我號戀，我真的不會社交………

我不喜歡輸給人。
我喜歡贏的滋味，可是為什麼當一個勝利者就注定要孤獨……

他們說，強者都是孤獨的。
這個我很懂。
我曾經因為是領導人物，大家都不喜歡我
我也沒什麼人可以談心
贏了的時候，那個感覺很不一樣。
不像贏了。只是像輸得更慘不忍睹。

我真的不知道要怎麼辦，
怎麼訴說我的心情。

可能別人沒在意我，但是為什麼我就是很在意別人對我的看法。。。

我的生活永遠都只是配角嗎 我不要！！

我要當主角。我要主宰我的生活、

有時候真的累了。還要掛上虛假的微笑。
那種感覺就像帶上面具的小丑。


課業，我已經設法完成那些我不應該自己做的部分。
我也不懂為什麼我什麼都要攔在我身上，幫他們做。
然後他們一點也沒察覺，反而覺得那是我的本分？

鬱悶。
想要解放，找不到方法。
也許哭一哭，睡一覺，就好了？

頭好疼。
身心疲憊。


終。xx

你好。

好久沒更新喲。
我、好嗎？
算好吧。人生過了一層層自己第一次面對的階段。
去了國民服務，獨自上KL去面試，上了學院。
學院的生活一開始很辛苦，Orientation week 簡直不是人過的生活。過後有一個星期宿舍沒水。每天早上四點起床只為了爭到水沖涼洗衣服。
每天過着朝八晚五的生活、每天穿着正式的服裝，簡直就像個上班族。呵。
學院啊，不是你死就是我亡，上課沒專心你就輸了。
在這裡，
有些事情不能直接說出來就算。是沒辦法說。是沒人可以訴說。
在這裡，我可以算是113個人裡最年輕的其中一個。
朋友沒幾個是同種族的，同思想的。
華人也不過幾個，華人女生更是稀有動物。
俺，是唯一一個正統的華人女生。
辛苦啊～
喲喲，有時候真的委屈可是只能往自己肚子裡吞。
不開心，也只能小小的難過一下又要笑著當小丑。

心理學導師說，早上你睡醒時是什麼心情，你一整天就是那個心情。 你睡醒時是很清新，一整天下來你就會是很開心。

時時提醒自己絕對要忍耐。
因為我的專業告訴我要這麼做。

對了，我在上着的課程是醫療助理。Medical Assistant. 我們的工作猶如醫生可是我們不被稱為醫生。我們的工作猶如護士可是我們不是護士。我們是醫療助理。 :)

好啦，更新到這裡就算了。
哈哈大笑，又是新的一天。

終。xx

Last Beta Night'2011

Last night, was the last beta night for this year. 

few of us attended. 

Debbie, Kelly, Tommy, Charlston, Jeremy, Hillary, Kevin, Apek and Me went to Swam Teem Seafood BBQ Restaurant @ RH plaza.

when I was arrived, Apek already waiting for me @ 100 Yen.

after a short window shopping, we planned to move to the restaurant as my sis and Apek was freakin' hungaryyy.

well, i booked 2 tables under my name and i found that the table is actually quite big, 

i was afraid of we have a lil amount of people and 2 big tables.

Me, Apek, Cheryl (my younger sister) and Amanda (my youngest sister) started to eat when the restaurant is still clear and new. LOL

All of them came continuously included Debbie's Mom. 

We eat, chit chat, and laugh out loud. 

Regretted for not taking more pictures for last night. :(

JEREMY where are you looking at ?! 

#2

 

#3

BOYS

ROCK with Beta CLass T-Shirt! 

Unfortunately the girls didn't take photo together. :目

The BBQ thingy is connected to Steamboat so yeah we can do cooking for both at the same time.

the food is quite satisfied. RM18 each person. drinks not included but just FYI, each canned drinks is RM2.20. not too expensive. :) and lastly, there provide ice-cream buffet! LOL it's free, although the choices is not many. 

see what she did after she saw the boys' photo. -.-'

baii xx

Birthdayy #2

Me and Debbie <3333

^ me and debbie. its been 98342313 years we didn't take photo together and hang out together. 

hehehehhh thanks for coming for my birthday !! 

Dream cake ! MUSTACHE !!

Thanks to my sakais, Apek, Amy and Debbie. 

They had lied to me for at least 3 times to get this cake up. 

hehehehehhh.

Making wish ;3

There they goes. 

We're going to eat it... using spoon and notice on Debbie's face.
:DD ps; apek face so funny trololololol ! amy x see camera. >.>

Presents.

There goes my presents. The shit is from Apek. YEAHH she promised me to buy shit for meh. ;3

the name on purple, from Debbie.

the yellow card, from all of them.

Kit Kat from Zhi Xun and Michelle. ; they straight go buy for me after they heard its my birthday. awwww :')

Bracelet and postcard from Bali by Pris <3

i was like > fuckin happy !!

LOL .____.

ehehehhhh ;3 

i never knew they did so much things just for meh..

Thanks Buddehhhhh <33 

*sakai = friends in Melanau*

Happy duh eppy.

Baii <3

I had deactivated my 2 out of 3 facebook accounts. 

I have no such time to manage all and i'm wasting my time over there. 

7 of September. 

Today its not the day for peoples around me. 

They were angry, get scolded, disappointments, arguing, fighting, crying, punching... 

I feel bad.

I can only be the listener when they tell their probs to me. 

I cant give any advise because im not a good adviser. 

I cant torture them because im not good at it.

I cant counsel them because im not a counselor.

I only lend them my eyes to see their texts, fingers to reply texts, mind to think, heart to help and shoulder to cry off.

Being my friend cant always get money from me but when it comes to lending shoulder, i will be the first choice for you.

Life is always full with challenges and examinations, try to solve it and not giving up may lead you to a better place.  :)

Shalom. Baii.

IDKnow.

SHEETZ.

Its been a long time for blogging. ;x

Spending too much time on Facebook and Tumblr. 

Been mess up for love and friends. So much things happened and I'm thinkibng how to face it. 

Friend shouldn't be the one left you behind when you need someone else. 

Friend shouldn't be the one left you for their BOY/GIRLfriend instead listen to us. 

If the friendship can broke so easily, IT doesn't name as friendship. ITS FRIENDSHITZ.

Okay, I apologize if I caused any convenience.

I've learnt how to keep everything inside instead of showing it out dramatically. 

This happens when I'm soooo excited 'bout something and I wanted to tell someone 'bout that, they ignore me by talking other things or talking to other peoples OR IGNORE me straight before I get the chance to say anything. #foreveralone.

AND AND,

I extremely DISLIKE the so-called-friend, use MY name to hang out and ACTUALLY they are abandon you aside AS they wanted to GO OUT for meeting their BOY/GIRLfriend. 

I was like, WHAT TEH HEWL you ask for hangout when your aim is actually DATING, WHILE I'M ALONE OVER THERE DOING NOTHING ? 

How would you? HAHAHAh. 

+ I Don't Give A Fuck if you dislike me. 

But I DO Give A Damn if you talk bad behind me. 

AND I DO GIVE A FUCKIN' SHITZ ON YOUR FACE IF I CAUGHT YOU DO SO. 

hahah. I'm so bad as you can't imagine. :) 

BTW, some random strangers, I'm not as friendly as you all think. 

SO, stop judge me before you know me and anything else.

:D
mlm F*CKKK.

okay,

I met Grace for the second time. *FINALLY*.

She is sooooooooooooo small. But I'm so sad bout it when the cute-ness of her became one of her problems. :( haih, what to do, life always unfair tho. 

:')

And FYI, the first time we met was at AHPek's house when CNY'11. 

and I had a family day trip with my FAMILIES ! :D, after a long hard working time, finally we get the holidays to spend with. Its so cooool.

We went to Matang Wildlife Center.

mom and Amanda

This looks fat. But this is ME. :)

Amanda, mama, papa and Cheryl.

And we went to the river, and of course, SWIMMMM.

Guess which is me ? :P -NEHHH, the MIDDLE one. LOLL

FOOOOOOD ! -I looks FAT, #fml.

And...

LOL, Amanda-the-beauty-lover. 

. 

.

On Sunday, I skipped tuition ;p

Mom drive me, Cheryl and Amanda to Damai, Santubong and Buntal for refreshing trip. Its just a short-short trip even though I didn't TOUCH sea water. #FML. *sigh* I miss beach so much ! 

 

NAA, lazy for uploading photos. :P its time for me to tumblring ! Goooood looooong byeeeeee Bloggerrrr. :P btw, follow me on tumblr, 

#my tumblr.

Tadaaaaaaa. 

-Life is just miserable, theres no undo nor return. So, live like theres no tomorrow. :)

Boring-ness.

Seems like better to go Tumblr. for blogging. At least there can find a series of nice pictures.

seems like meaningless posting my posts here...

K Thanks BAii.

LOL. JK. 

My life was being good so far.

Daily busy with school, homeworks, working time, sleep, eat, play around and making trying to linked to my besties that won't left me alone when we went for outing. 

Amoii and Aboii, i called them. I met them from where I work. Yeaa they treats me like I'm the main character. I just love them. They never ever leave me alone when we went out. Seriously.

THEY NEVER. :D

I'm try not to hate, but I really hates peoples let me alone when they ajak me go out. Its just like, ''why are you ajak me here and drop me alone ?!''

Totally wasting of time. 

So, please don't invite me go out just for sharing another share of money. And them drop me alone watching you all laughing, watching movie without my share of ticket.

Its just like, ignored.

okay stops on this topic.

-------Ended-------

My life were a mystery. I can be a movie producer, a movie editor and even a movie actress.

I knew that I'm not hot and prettayy but I got my confidence to do those things.

Yeaa and I did it. But something gone wrong. aiya, blame me ='/

Sorry but I do feel loneliness. Lonely, need to hold myself when I'm falling cause theres no one for you.

Lonely, need to handle everything by myself cause theres no one for you.

Lonely, need to hold my hands by myself to being less warmness.

Sorry I just hate being alone.

='/

Strong.. SIGH.

Currently addicted to Tumblr for nice pictures, Amei's song '都什麼時候了', Justin Bieber 'Pray'.

Chaw, Praying for another better day..

-Cat

My friends.

You're nothing without a FRIEND. Even the top genius in the world can't do his work with himself ONLY.

-------------

My friend are amazing. A-we-so-me.

We laugh together, scolding the one get hurt and hug her back at the same time, we joined many many of  activities. Just to enjoy our study life and spend more time together. :)

Bring it to Priscilla.

Pris and me.

She's just like me, like to speak everything out. But she always get emo by herself and try to get it off from crying when bathing. She always wants to hug people and said ILY to everyone she could. Not a cheap 'ILoveYou', but its from sincere heart. She is the naughtiest prefect. She like to talk and she always dare to talk infront of peoples. Her dream is to be a reporter, influenced by her daddy. And, we can gossip 'bout everything. Facebook, texts, chats, blogs, twitter, and etc. Just like we've been knowing each other so long yet we just starting to get closer in this year.And this is what she wrote bout me. :D

I love this. Peace ! ^___^v

I love this picture. Its more than perfect. Everyone of us are smiling really bright. Everyone is beautiful.

Okay lets start with the one with the left one.

Debbie. She is an athlete. We are friends since primary 4 and it was the day we started to train for basketball. I always in the same team with her since primary 4. We have hidden timing ratio and she always know my next move. ILoveHer in everyway. She is just pro in maths and addmaths D: She is very slow-react. LOL. Halogen. HAHAHA. She is slim and, flat. >.> * what I hope is , she found her gila2 mate, that can take care of her, forever. I hope the HE can do this. :) *

Next would be the boy-like-one. HER name is APEK. :)

Real name, Lim Hui Sze which my form teacher don't know how to read. LAWL. She is from Bako and she study in my school D: She need to go back to Bako everynight and come Kuching again every morning. She is the daughter of the owner of a groceries(is that call groceries? o.O) shop. She can always get food and etc from HER father's shop. LAWLLLL. She is the crazy one always doing crazy things. She is always the one scolding you when you're crying. She always say the correct thing. Just believe her and you won't regret. I regrets , twice. She told me I shouldn't fall for inter-relationship. It will be very hard to maintence. AND, she kena it TWICE. omfgee. I will never ignore her words again.

Skipped me and go to Amy.

We are friends since primary 5. When I first tuition at the house that very near to her house. That time I need to tuition at there everyday. And she is the smart one over there. She is very pro in understanding and explain the knowledge that she got to other people. She is getting crazy by day. LOL. x)

When I'm with her, I can hug her, hold her hands and even KISS her (even I never do XD). She's just like my underwear. She always care for me and always think of other people before she do anything. She is a very caring person. She is a tomorrow leader which can lead a bunch of kids to being crazy xD * last hope for her is I-just-want-her-to-be-happy. No matter what. And, I'll always be here babehh. ♥ *

They are my best friends. ILoveThem.

; True friends are those scolding you while hugging you when you're crying after break-up.