新年快樂。

煙花在眼前悄悄滑過。我當時在享受著全身燒焦的雞翅……
沒辦法了，雖然只是看到一點點。我心滿意足了。
長了那麼大，這才只是第二次在晚上自己不跑去睡，想要倒數。
去年是有個人陪著，今年，電腦的輻射比誰都忠誠。
坐在電腦前，看著人們在面書上開心的上傳他們在倒數的狀態，搞得我也很緊張的說啊哈哈

十一點五十五分。
此時此刻，煙花聲好壯觀； 哦不，是壯聲 哈哈
我不要跑出去看煙花，那樣的自己好不矜持哦 -.-
原諒我雄偉的自尊心，讓那珍貴的倒數之夜的煙花能跟我心愛的人一起度過。
好老土哦，我自己的都這麼覺得。

十一點五十八分。

五十九分。

再見了，2011年。你還真的很他嗎的婆媽呢//

12:00 am,
你好啊2012，請多多指教。





2011 的最後一篇，2012 的新開始。

終。xx

幹他奶奶的。

幹幹幹！！
好歹我也好久沒用手提電腦上網了
一上線就給它欺負哼
電腦死不夠力lag之外，每打下幾粒字就跟我玩123木頭人；
還真有夠他奶奶的哼

又要倒數跨年了喲，有啥節目？
我只是希望能看一看偉大的煙花… 我沒有一次跨年是可以看到煙花的呃
新年願望嘛 就希望大家開開心心快快樂樂平平安安健健康康天下太平……
除了這些，我想我也沒什麼偉大的願望了

今年經歷過太多太多的事
不想成長都被逼得快快長大  今年的我還認識了以前沒有的勇氣和堅強 雖然眼淚還是很不爭氣，
每次都不由自主的掉下來 可是我都走過來了 不是嗎？
多了嘮叨，因為我真的不想那些小過我的走上不歸路。
多了關心，是因為我不想看見一個平凡的家庭變成一個什麼都沒有的家。

這些日子，錢 是萬能的神。
俗語說，有錢能使鬼推磨。 不是嗎?
沒做工的日子真的好難過；只靠著母親一點點的收入卻要養起五口的生活。
我服了。 徹徹底底的，敗給了『錢』。

即使看到前男友，依稀看到那時甜蜜的時光。 怎麼辦？
所幸我的離開，看清了他所有的面貌。 花花公子啊！
能夠看清，我真的謝天謝地了。謝謝我自己做了明智的選擇。


這幾天真的都在忙著國名服務的事，既驚奇又緊張…

最近，做了身體檢查。我的身體都很健康。只不過肥了點、膽固醇高了點、血糖高了點、還是個地中海貧血症的帶病者。不要怕，接近我你不會有危險的。它不像A字頭的性病，通過血的接觸就能傳染。地中海貧血症只不過是個家族遺傳的貧血症。
我的責任就是暫停它的傳播，也就是遺傳。所以就注定了我這輩子都沒的結婚生子…有也是只能收養小孩，反正這世界上還有很多被父母拋棄的小孩要讓人收養。我很樂意。

最重要的是我才發現原來我是O型血。
我……真的可以捐血救人了嗎？

煩了國民服務，又要煩大學。要上大學，真的是沒有像偶像劇裡那麼容易勒
在我們馬來西亞，還要一個一個去銀行買申請大學表格的pin code。再一個一個寄出去申請。天，光是想到我就覺得可怕。
而且我對我的成績非常沒自信。想要考到我想去的Asunta護士學院我就真的很緊張。
只希望我能討到那裡吧。我真的沒錢都大學，更不想跟政府借什麼PTPTN。
算了吧，過一天算一天。

網路上什麼都是虛擬的，笑臉笑聲名字甚至是感情。

終。xx

Broken.

I am not suppose to be bloggin.

I doesnt have that silly mood to do so. 

But shit happens and i had to find somewhere somehow to puke it out or else i might die without anyone knowing.

Okay.

What does Family means?

They say its

Father And Mother I Love You.

yeahh.

but mine. will be Mother and Sisters I Love You.

Masily. 

hahahahaa..

its broken.

totally broken.

they quarrel because of me.

yeahh ME.

i was like, very innocent and i didnt know things happened because of me.

my mom and sisters had booked tickets to fly back to Pahang at the 21 of Oct.

and my so-called-dad booked his too without everyone of us' acknowledge.

I thought he is mature. ahahahah.

if he go, i will be all alone over here.

i cant go due to the exams is around the corner.

mom was worrying bout me coz i dont dare to stay alone in house. 

now he take this for a reason that mom doesnt want him to go.

mom doesnt want him to go because when mom see him, she doesnt feel any happiness.

so she rather go without him.

they quarreling and i knock the door of theirs'.

i think he feel paiseh and doesnt want me and my sis to see them quarrel so he act nicely.

i heard everything.

i ask him. 

what are u 2 quarrel bout?

he say, your mom sudden want sudden dont want me to go. worried bout you bah.

i replied. 

i already planned to sleep over at my friend's house. if you want go, then go lar.

i cried.

yes, like burst everything out.

are you angry at mom just because of this?

why everything turns so fucking shit?

i cant control my tears to fall.

.

.

.

broken down.

i wont care if you leave us.

im okay with that.

why dont you just leave us alone and living peacefully?

Broken.

baii.

TGISaturday.

heh. I forgot to put title on my previous blog post. heh, but nevermind. 

Who cares? HEHEHh.

i rather not coming home. i want to smoke and i want drunk all night.

but somehow something prevented me to do it all. IDK why.

I know its not good yet i need to fight with my heart and im always the loser.

phone broke down :/ haihh, need go reformat liao.

yay daddy want buy ipad. yay yayyyy can forever rebloggg on tumblaaaaa. <3

i wanted to change the tumblr layout to those alike with those awesome blogs one but i lazzy. so, yeahh.

I miss Grace. I miss hugging her.

I miss everyone in my life.

The boy very hardworking at the place i work, we called him handsome boy but i call him sengboii la. x3

hehh, he talk his past with us just now. 

he miss his mom. and his mom had past away and he was used to very close to her and he looking her die inside and he cannot save her.

I feel so sad. he seems want to cry but he smile at me instead.

He miss her. Like seriously.

he work at saloon from morning until evening, and night work at waiter. 

he looks awesome and strong. yeah.

im gonna reformat my phone tomorrow.

oh yeah i wanna hug him so much just now, like a boss. seriously.

super random? 

k baii.

I had deactivated my 2 out of 3 facebook accounts. 

I have no such time to manage all and i'm wasting my time over there. 

7 of September. 

Today its not the day for peoples around me. 

They were angry, get scolded, disappointments, arguing, fighting, crying, punching... 

I feel bad.

I can only be the listener when they tell their probs to me. 

I cant give any advise because im not a good adviser. 

I cant torture them because im not good at it.

I cant counsel them because im not a counselor.

I only lend them my eyes to see their texts, fingers to reply texts, mind to think, heart to help and shoulder to cry off.

Being my friend cant always get money from me but when it comes to lending shoulder, i will be the first choice for you.

Life is always full with challenges and examinations, try to solve it and not giving up may lead you to a better place.  :)

Shalom. Baii.

Meet the rainbow. 

Its been a while in my life to see rainbows with my EYES. lol.

heh, life treats me good as I able to open my eyes every morning and work for an awesome day. 

English lesson this morning was essay writing with the guide from teacher. LOLL

I baru realized Keith's English is so duh wth dayumm good. 

Okay la I admit my english is very poor. POOR vocab la, poor grammar la. haihh.

JUMP.

Suddenly.

I miss everything. The faces and the laughter. Perhaps it was cause by loneliness ? 

Sometimes I prefer to shuddup when theres no one talking.

SILENT.

totally silent. 

I can think of so many things within these few seconds of silence.

future.. 

too far and yet so near.

and yeahh. I do feel tired for life. Like seriously. 

If that person doesn't appreciate things you did, there's no point standing here waiting him/her than running for catching up the future instead. 

Shalom. Baii.

Monday

Really thanks a lot to God that make me able to wake up this morning. 

I was so excited when waking up in the morning and turn up in the school. I met my so-called long-lost ( one week ) friends. :P 

Thanks to God once again that he enable me to reach school safely and peacefully. 

Found one website, its a Tumblr website. 

and it is super duper ubber awesome.

Heart In God Tumblr.

You will like it. :) 

Shalom. GOD bless all.

ISCF CAMP. #2

and it ends peacefully with cleaning the hall. And I'm carrying the chairs and the guys are amazed of me. :P I'm not stronger than boys, but I have to be.

Oh Lord, thanks for listening to our prayer and had grant us peace and calmness for the group presentation.

On the sunday morning which is the second day of the iscf camp in st. Thomas school, I'm so afraid and nervous to communicating with the boys, maybe this is because boys lead the majority of the team? :O and theres only 3 girls including me. 

I prayed to God for grant me the opportunity to speaks my mind out. At last, we concludes our presentation with band singing at first, follow by drama acting conducted by ME, Lyndon and Jackson and narrated by Johan. After that will be two songs for Praise and Worships. As a team, we exchanged our ideas for choosing songs. But we give the most respect to the band, leads by Clifford (singer), Jordan (basses), Maximillian ( guitarist) and Reddison (drummer).

I was so glad that my group, the GREEN group can form a band that can sing well and play well ! :D
; we chose ONE WAY for the first band singing, and followed by Here I Am To Worship after the drama and How Great Is Our God for the last song.

For the drama part, ME as the main character which is a not very beautiful girl and has just enter puberty (LOLLOLLOLL), the only book of mine is BIBLE. My costume is the themed T-shirt of the camp and put on a black dotted white scarf and a fake spec to make me looks more nerdy.
And theres the two CUTEEE boys, Jackson as Lu-C-Fur and Lyndon as Sat-an. Trying to bringing me to the dark side of the work which is the HELL club. They asked me to try for drinking and smoking.
When I come out from the club, singing Last Friday Night with Beer, Cigarettes and yeahh my scarf.
*I keep on wondering WHY I can be so funny on the stage* #foreveralone.
Alright and the Last Friday Night makes peoples laugh. :P
I found my BiBLE on the floor and theres the holy spirit asking me to pick up the BIBLE and read it. I then throw everything including scarf, beer, cigarette and yes, my fake spec; I quickly read the BIBLE just like I'm hungry for God's word. Lu-C-Fur and Sat-an come and try to influence me that the BIBLE is not good. Suddenly the BIBLE shines, and I shine the BIBLE at them. They lose and then run away..
I was asked to knee and shout for God's forgiveness. I did it and.. Start the MUSIC BABEHH. :P

I.WILL.UPLOAD.THE.VIDEO.OF.ME.ACTING.ONE.DAY.

And we had our ending with the last-last-last minute slogan,
"G-R-E-N, G-R-E-N, G-R-E-E-N, green, Green, GREEN !! WUUhaa !!"

For the minute, I wanted to thank everyone in Green Team that always keep my suggestions on mind and doesn't mind to change the plan for my suggestions. Thank you!!
-Clifford, Max, Jordan, Reddison, Johan, Jackson, Lyndon, Nigel, Stephanie, Nadia and Aloysius! :D -

Memories of the day. :)

Walking around st.thom and found this mirror, ''I look awesome todayy!!'' 

They have duh aquarium !! 

this is coool. 

while listening to the talk from Pastor Yusuf.

Aloysius, Group leader. and HEHEHH, PRIZES ! :D

Me of the dayy. :)

GREEEEEN group. excluded jordan and stephanie, :( incomplete family.

Shine for christ. :)

I thank Lord that I have an opportunity to join a camp like this within the last year of secondary school. I had regretted so much that I didn't join these activities since I was form 1. I encourage you all students to join these cause you will have a lots of fun. :)

God Bless. Baii.

IDKnow.

SHEETZ.

Its been a long time for blogging. ;x

Spending too much time on Facebook and Tumblr. 

Been mess up for love and friends. So much things happened and I'm thinkibng how to face it. 

Friend shouldn't be the one left you behind when you need someone else. 

Friend shouldn't be the one left you for their BOY/GIRLfriend instead listen to us. 

If the friendship can broke so easily, IT doesn't name as friendship. ITS FRIENDSHITZ.

Okay, I apologize if I caused any convenience.

I've learnt how to keep everything inside instead of showing it out dramatically. 

This happens when I'm soooo excited 'bout something and I wanted to tell someone 'bout that, they ignore me by talking other things or talking to other peoples OR IGNORE me straight before I get the chance to say anything. #foreveralone.

AND AND,

I extremely DISLIKE the so-called-friend, use MY name to hang out and ACTUALLY they are abandon you aside AS they wanted to GO OUT for meeting their BOY/GIRLfriend. 

I was like, WHAT TEH HEWL you ask for hangout when your aim is actually DATING, WHILE I'M ALONE OVER THERE DOING NOTHING ? 

How would you? HAHAHAh. 

+ I Don't Give A Fuck if you dislike me. 

But I DO Give A Damn if you talk bad behind me. 

AND I DO GIVE A FUCKIN' SHITZ ON YOUR FACE IF I CAUGHT YOU DO SO. 

hahah. I'm so bad as you can't imagine. :) 

BTW, some random strangers, I'm not as friendly as you all think. 

SO, stop judge me before you know me and anything else.

:D
mlm F*CKKK.

okay,

I met Grace for the second time. *FINALLY*.

She is sooooooooooooo small. But I'm so sad bout it when the cute-ness of her became one of her problems. :( haih, what to do, life always unfair tho. 

:')

And FYI, the first time we met was at AHPek's house when CNY'11. 

and I had a family day trip with my FAMILIES ! :D, after a long hard working time, finally we get the holidays to spend with. Its so cooool.

We went to Matang Wildlife Center.

mom and Amanda

This looks fat. But this is ME. :)

Amanda, mama, papa and Cheryl.

And we went to the river, and of course, SWIMMMM.

Guess which is me ? :P -NEHHH, the MIDDLE one. LOLL

FOOOOOOD ! -I looks FAT, #fml.

And...

LOL, Amanda-the-beauty-lover. 

. 

.

On Sunday, I skipped tuition ;p

Mom drive me, Cheryl and Amanda to Damai, Santubong and Buntal for refreshing trip. Its just a short-short trip even though I didn't TOUCH sea water. #FML. *sigh* I miss beach so much ! 

 

NAA, lazy for uploading photos. :P its time for me to tumblring ! Goooood looooong byeeeeee Bloggerrrr. :P btw, follow me on tumblr, 

#my tumblr.

Tadaaaaaaa. 

-Life is just miserable, theres no undo nor return. So, live like theres no tomorrow. :)

My friends.

You're nothing without a FRIEND. Even the top genius in the world can't do his work with himself ONLY.

-------------

My friend are amazing. A-we-so-me.

We laugh together, scolding the one get hurt and hug her back at the same time, we joined many many of  activities. Just to enjoy our study life and spend more time together. :)

Bring it to Priscilla.

Pris and me.

She's just like me, like to speak everything out. But she always get emo by herself and try to get it off from crying when bathing. She always wants to hug people and said ILY to everyone she could. Not a cheap 'ILoveYou', but its from sincere heart. She is the naughtiest prefect. She like to talk and she always dare to talk infront of peoples. Her dream is to be a reporter, influenced by her daddy. And, we can gossip 'bout everything. Facebook, texts, chats, blogs, twitter, and etc. Just like we've been knowing each other so long yet we just starting to get closer in this year.And this is what she wrote bout me. :D

I love this. Peace ! ^___^v

I love this picture. Its more than perfect. Everyone of us are smiling really bright. Everyone is beautiful.

Okay lets start with the one with the left one.

Debbie. She is an athlete. We are friends since primary 4 and it was the day we started to train for basketball. I always in the same team with her since primary 4. We have hidden timing ratio and she always know my next move. ILoveHer in everyway. She is just pro in maths and addmaths D: She is very slow-react. LOL. Halogen. HAHAHA. She is slim and, flat. >.> * what I hope is , she found her gila2 mate, that can take care of her, forever. I hope the HE can do this. :) *

Next would be the boy-like-one. HER name is APEK. :)

Real name, Lim Hui Sze which my form teacher don't know how to read. LAWL. She is from Bako and she study in my school D: She need to go back to Bako everynight and come Kuching again every morning. She is the daughter of the owner of a groceries(is that call groceries? o.O) shop. She can always get food and etc from HER father's shop. LAWLLLL. She is the crazy one always doing crazy things. She is always the one scolding you when you're crying. She always say the correct thing. Just believe her and you won't regret. I regrets , twice. She told me I shouldn't fall for inter-relationship. It will be very hard to maintence. AND, she kena it TWICE. omfgee. I will never ignore her words again.

Skipped me and go to Amy.

We are friends since primary 5. When I first tuition at the house that very near to her house. That time I need to tuition at there everyday. And she is the smart one over there. She is very pro in understanding and explain the knowledge that she got to other people. She is getting crazy by day. LOL. x)

When I'm with her, I can hug her, hold her hands and even KISS her (even I never do XD). She's just like my underwear. She always care for me and always think of other people before she do anything. She is a very caring person. She is a tomorrow leader which can lead a bunch of kids to being crazy xD * last hope for her is I-just-want-her-to-be-happy. No matter what. And, I'll always be here babehh. ♥ *

They are my best friends. ILoveThem.

; True friends are those scolding you while hugging you when you're crying after break-up.